Emotion 4.4.20

Too angry.

Too frustrated.

Too lost for words.

Too consumed.

Not just with the ‘now’

But the ‘before’

MY ‘before’

Consumed me for a moment

Memories 20 years old

10 years old

Moments old

Things I focus my entire existence on moving on from

Yet they follow me

The cause follows me

Things that shouldn’t matter in the bigger picture

In the current ‘now’

Yet they will always me my ‘now’ and my ‘before’ equally

Will they?

Can I find a way to heal and become unaffected by my ‘before’

If my ‘before’ is still my ‘now’ then surely I have no escape

To escape would mean to cut ties

To step away

To shield myself

But where do I find that strength

To make that decision?

To choose that would be severe

Severe for who?

Not for me.

For me, to choose that would be relief.

For me it would mean a new time.

Time to start to heal, to piece myself together, to build up a love for me – just the way I am

 © 2020 Meraki Vagary

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